Why Is Getting Sober So Hard?

Alcohol is so widely available and socially accepted that trying to get sober can be extremely difficult for anyone who is trying. A recovering alcoholic has an even harder time than the average person because their brain's reward system is so wired for alcohol that the cravings can be intense.

There are triggers everywhere for someone in recovery and even walking into your local supermarket you will be faced with a wall of alcohol racks with all the latest offers and your favourite drinks smiling back at you and tempting you to buy.

If you are a weekend binge drinker or you sip glasses of wine every night after work, then you will also be faced with temptations in shops, pubs, and restaurants.

Let us just imagine for a second that you were a cocaine user who was trying to give it up and in every shop you went into there was cocaine on the shelves for sale. People were in restaurants snorting cocaine openly and it was socially acceptable. You would be so triggered by seeing it everywhere you would want to lock yourself in your house and never go out again.

If you are wondering why getting sober is so hard you also need to look beyond the external triggers and take a deeper look into yourself. To get sober and stay sober takes some work and how much depends on how serious your drinking is.

Alcohol and other drugs act like an anaesthetic which leads to the 4 reasons why people drink or take drugs.

1. To escape

2. To Relax

3. To reward themselves

4. Boredom

I am an addictions counsellor and I own a sober house in Thailand so mostly I work with people who have serious issues with drugs and alcohol. They are full-blown addicts and they are mostly escaping painful emotions and past trauma.

Binge drinkers tend to go out socially to drink as a way of relaxing at the weekends or because they are bored and the wine sippers at night are the ones who use alcohol to relax after a hard day’s work.

If you are questioning whether you fall into the bracket of an addict or not, then you can read my previous blog post on The Calm sober house website to help you answer this question.

Addiction is a chronic relapsing condition

Addiction to drugs or alcohol is a chronic relapsing condition. I have lost count of the number of people who come into rehab for alcohol addiction treatment for 3 months and then relapse on the aeroplane on the way home.

The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous describes alcohol as cunning and baffling which means that no matter how much you know you should not drink you still do. The same goes for drugs too and there is strong evidence that addiction is a brain disease.

If you can control your alcohol use, then it should not be too hard to stop or cut down. If you have made many attempts to do this but you keep going back, then maybe you need some help and support.

If you drink to relax every night like millions of people do then you will need to find new ways to relax because just stopping alcohol is not enough. Stopping drinking is great at the beginning but then the novelty of being sober starts to wear off and people return to drinking.

If you are binge drinking at weekends, then you will have to change your behaviour which can be difficult especially if your circle of friends spends their time in the bar. I urge you to investigate the reasons why you drink alcohol and start making some lifestyle choices that do not revolve around alcohol.

Let us go back to the title of this blog because if you are finding it so hard to get sober then maybe you crossed the line into addiction.

There is so much research into addiction and how the brain circuitry works that giving up alcohol or drugs is not just a matter of willpower. If alcohol becomes a problem for you then it will be exceedingly difficult to stop on your own.

Some people are using alcohol and drugs as a coping mechanism for painful emotions and often a way to deal with past trauma. They also use substances to cope with life in general. There are so many similarities between suffering addicts but because they use it as a coping skill to block things out, whenever painful emotions arise again in recovery it’s so easy for them to go back to drinking as a way to cope.

This is where specialist treatment comes in as we teach people how to cope without substances and provide counselling to help resolve past painful issues.

If you are struggling to get sober then I suggest you speak to an addictions counsellor or you start going to support meetings where you will find people who are in recovery and can show you the way. Stopping alcohol is one thing but you will not stay stopped if you do not realise that it is you that needs to change.

Why get sober?

There are so many positives and benefits to giving up alcohol. If you do stop for a long period you will notice how clear your head is and how better, you can manage your emotions. When you drink alcohol constantly you never sleep properly, you just pass out.

The return of good sleep is one of the biggest self-reporting benefits of giving up. Your overall health will improve because alcohol for me is a poison that you put into your body let alone the number of calories you consume.

Relationships tend to improve around you as your more present and focused and people who drink a lot can be moody and push loved ones away.

A lot of time is missed at work due to hangovers or poor performance so you will find yourself being more alert at work.

An obvious one but an important one is that you will have more money. People's drinking habits can be expensive and once you stop you will notice how much more cash you have.

Anxiety is often a problem when people are drinking too much. Alcohol attacks the nervous system which can cause major anxiety. You will find that when you stop this should reduce or you may need some medical-assisted therapy to cope. I know people who still suffer from anxiety once stopped and medication has worked wonders for this.

One big symptom that alcoholics report is bad memory especially short-term, but once you sober up, over time your memory will improve. You are poisoning your brain when you keep filling it up with alcohol.

When people come into treatment for alcohol abuse, they often look terrible. Their skin looks dried out and they can often look bloated. Your liver can only process one unit of alcohol an hour so when you are pumping copious amounts of alcohol into your body it tries to get rid of the toxins any way it can. Skin loses its plumpness and normal healthy glow. Giving up the liquor will improve your overall look.

I would suggest that when you are serious about stopping alcohol you join a fellowship like alcoholics anonymous or SMART Recovery. You will need some support if you want to stay stopped and being around others in recovery is priceless. If you isolate once in recovery this is a recipe for relapse. You need to be around others.

If you are drinking heavily you will need to talk to a professional about detoxing as stopping alcohol abruptly can be extremely dangerous and at the worst, it can kill. Many people will need a medically assisted detox and maybe a stint in rehab to get them going and on the right path to recovery.