Advice for Families of Addicts

Rehab Addiction Treatment Centre in Thailand

When your loved one enters a rehab addiction treatment centre you will be left with a lot of questions on what to do whilst they are in treatment and also what to do to help them once they return home.

We find that loved ones have a sense of relief once a person has joined an addiction rehab centre in Thailand or anywhere around the world but are still left with unanswered questions and anxiety about what to do once they return home, also whilst they are there.

When your loved ones go into treatment the family will also need support. We do have an online counselling service for families or partners but first, let me help you with the above questions.

Addiction and how it works.

• The first point we really want to get across is that, as a parent or partner you should not be blaming yourself for their addiction or live in feelings that you could or should have done more to help.

• As parents, you may feel that you could have done more when they were young so they may have not developed an addiction.

• As a partner you could be wishing that you could do more or blaming yourself, this is not the way to think. It’s not your fault.

• You may also feel like you have been enabling them in their addiction or confused about what enabling is.

• At our sober home in Thailand, your loved one will learn about childhood issues or trauma but we will never tell them to put the blame onto anyone.

We will teach them how to handle painful emotions and how to heal without blame and start to accept some of the painful feelings and emotions.

There could be some underlying issues from their childhood which is often the case but they will still have to take responsibility for the healing process and their addiction. We find that parents can only do the best they can do when bringing up children and trauma and other issues can be passed down through families.

Addiction is unfortunately a chronic relapsing condition and your loved one may have had many attempts at stopping on their own or been to rehab before and come home and relapsed.

It’s only natural to get angry at them but you have to remember that they are fighting to save their lives. Addiction is not a choice and can be so impulsive and chronic that they will use drugs or alcohol sometimes even though they know it is killing them.

There are not many people who get clean and sober from one stint in rehab, it’s not long enough to learn to manage this condition.

Please remember that if they do go to rehab again or for the first time it is not going to be easy for them or you. It’s something that no family wants to go through.

The big thing to remember is that they did not become an addict on purpose. Addiction is a progressive issue and they may have started off as recreational and then it develops into full-blown addiction. The addict is normally using drugs and alcohol to escape deeper issues and all they know is to push it away with substances.

When someone is using drugs or alcohol to excess, they are generally in a lot of pain and misery. You can trust us when we say it’s not what they want. They don’t want to go to rehab or burden you with their problems.

The cycle of guilt and shame can keep the addict locked into addiction for years and the last thing they want to do is reach out and ask for help as they may feel so ashamed of what they are doing.

The big thing is that they don’t want to go to a rehab addiction treatment centre and have to admit that they are struggling and need help. The reaching out is generally a last resort and if they reach out to you it means that they trust you.

Try not to get angry at them because it might not seem like it when they are using but they are trying, nobody enjoys the misery that addiction brings.

The tough love approach does not work as it will only increase their feelings of shame and they may feel that some of the only people they trust are also pushing them away.

You are allowed to set boundaries which is much healthier than just cutting them off. We will go into boundaries a bit deeper later on in this blog.

Please understand what the addict is up against. They have a lifelong battle to try and manage their addiction. It is a chronic relapsing condition and it will take much work to try and manage it without relapse. The impulsiveness that comes with addiction is scary because they can have problems managing their emotions and if it becomes too difficult, they are at risk of impulsively picking up drugs or alcohol again.

They certainly do not go out of their way or consciously make the decision to hurt everybody around them they are just doing their best to not use it again. Addiction is a tricky beast to manage but they will learn coping skills in our sober house inpatient treatment facility here in Thailand.

We know that parents get to the point of not knowing what to do and this is why we can advise you. You can call us directly I am always available to help you through this. We can help you to understand your feelings and how to cope.

Addiction rehab centre in Thailand

We know you only want the best for them, to be healthy and happy because to see your loved one caught up in the misery of addiction and feel hopeless and powerless in how to help is very heartbreaking and devastating. To watch them often killing themselves without being able to stop. No family should have to go through this process and it breaks my heart when we talk to addicts and loved ones who are trying to get out of this.

You may feel you are enabling them in many ways and they manipulate you so they can continue to use. You should try not to give up on them but also know that the responsibility to get well is also on them, not you. You can be there for them emotionally but try not to enable their addiction by providing money all the time or constantly rescuing them financially.

You may have already spent thousands on rehab treatments only to see them relapse. You will be in total despair along with mimicking similar emotions as your loved one. 

For instance;

• They feel powerless and you are too.

• They feel a lot of guilt and shame and you do too.

• You could be minimising their drug or alcohol to friends as you feel ashamed.

• They will always be minimising their drug use.

• You will feel total despair and hopelessness and so will they.

• You could be experiencing anger sometimes as to why they just can’t stop.

• They will get angry at themselves because they think they should be able to stop.

• You may feel like pushing them away and they will be pushing people away because of the guilt.

If you have never been an addict yourself then you will be baffled as to how it works and find it extremely difficult to understand.

What to do once they are in rehab

If you are now at the stage of your loved one entering into a rehab programme then we will advise you on what to do whilst they are there.

They could possibly have their phone use restricted by the inpatient rehab facility in Thailand which is a good thing as we need individuals concentrating on themselves and not external events.

If they are to go through detox it’s going to be a hard time for them as the brain will be craving drugs or alcohol. This acute phase can be very emotional as they slowly come down and back to reality without drugs or alcohol. A lot of guilt and shame will be with them so it’s a real time for nurturing them to get through it. You can be there for them to encourage them when they call but you can slowly start to put in some boundaries with them so you do not enable them anymore.

They have to take full responsibility for their addiction otherwise they will not get well.

We would suggest that you set up a day and a time where you talk to them and keep encouraging them that they can do this and that you love them dearly but you want them to really put in the work at rehab.

You can start to take some time out and relax knowing that they are in treatment and think about what boundaries you may want to put in place. Do not take any more manipulating from them, if you need more help with setting boundaries then you can talk to us on how to do this.

You must always remember that they need to take ownership of their recovery, not you. Tell them that you support them in whatever path they want to go down in getting well and that you cannot make decisions regarding their recovery, it must come from them.

Do not constantly call them and try to take control of things, you need to put it all back onto them. If you feel you need support and help then go through a healing process yourself with a counsellor outside of the rehab facility they are attending.

Al-Anon meetings are helpful as the meetings are for family members of addicts where you would get to meet other families going through the same as you. You can google Al-Anon meetings in your hometown.

What to do once they leave rehab

Once they leave the rehab addiction treatment programme in Thailand there is going to be a huge settling back into reality process. The figures for people leaving rehab and relapsing are high and there are many reasons for this.

They can have a real hard time readjusting to real life clean and sober. The Calm rehab in Thailand puts a lot of work into preparing clients for their return home. We educate them and the parents on what to expect and how to manage expectations. They should attend the aftercare set up by the rehab too.

It is likely that your loved one will come home with high expectations that everything has changed but in reality, they may have changed but back home has not.

You should lower your expectations around them being fixed too as the recovery journey is a long process and is certainly not over just because they have been to a rehab in Thailand.

The real work starts for them now and they could still be faced with being lonely and surrounded by old triggers.

They now more than ever need to own their recovery and start to build a life along with support networks. They may have a recovery plan laid out and it’s their responsibility to fulfil this. 

You do not have to walk on eggshells around them so try and make things as normal as possible at home whilst also allowing yourself to trust them again.

They could have bad days but it does not mean they will go out and use so don’t put any pressure on them, just be there to listen if they are struggling.

The addiction rehab in Thailand that they went to would have given them coping skills for bad days which will be to go into self-care mode when feeling bad. A big part of rehab programmes is to teach people about self-care. 

You should of by now put in some boundaries about how much you can help. You need to protect yourself too and they would have learned boundary work in rehab.

If you feel you need more work on yourself then please reach out through our online counselling service. 

They need to make the decisions about their recovery and take the necessary action so please try to lower your anxiety about having to fix them, this is their job.

The Calm sober house addiction treatment programme in Thailand helps them to understand all of this and if a rehab does not do this work with their clients, then it’s not a good programme.

It is not going to be an easy ride for any of you but always remember that they are the ones who need to take responsibility for their recovery and you should concentrate on your own life and keep things as normal as possible. If they are struggling, they need to reach out to their support networks and to people that understand.

What to do if they relapse

This is a reality that cannot be sugar-coated. As mentioned before, addiction is a chronic relapsing condition and someone can make many attempts to get sobriety right.

If they relapse you need to encourage them to be honest with themselves and others but remember there will be lots of guilt and shame present.

Any amount of anger or shaming will only make the situation worse. You need to tell them to get help or ask them if they need support in reaching out. Please remember any boundaries you have put in place and don’t enable them to continue using.

They are the ones who need to reach out to their support person or network. The Calm Rehab in Thailand will always pick up the phone and support anyone who has unfortunately relapsed. We can help them to come up with a plan on what to do. The addiction behaviour will kick back in very quickly once someone relapses so we need to try and get them help as quickly as possible.

It can be heartbreaking if someone relapses but what is needed is action and we need to try and take the emotion out of it and think with our heads.

The whole addiction issue can be very complicated and recovery is not easy. It’s extremely difficult for you to know what to do. You need support too and you can always call us if you need answers and help.

Please do let us know if we have missed anything that you would like to know. We have done our best to give my advice but we are all in a learning process ourselves so supporting each other is key.

We wish you and your loved ones well on this recovery journey and we are always here for you.